


Who is Jonah?

by FrancONT



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Aromantic, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexuality, Identity Issues, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Other, Song: Home (Cavetown), Song: This Is Home (Cavetown)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 01:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29817672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrancONT/pseuds/FrancONT
Summary: Jonah, while writing a song after his fourth amicable breakup, realizes why he can’t form good romantic relationships, and why he constantly feels pressure to be “the Jonah Beck.”
Relationships: Amber/Jonah Beck, Jonah Beck/Andi Mack, Jonah Beck/Libby, Jonah Beck/T. J. Kippen, Jonah Beck/Walker Brodsky
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Who is Jonah?

**Author's Note:**

> Lyrics are from the song “Home” by Robin Skinner (Cavetown).

_Often I am upset_

_That I cannot fall in love_

_But I guess, this avoids the stress of falling out of it_

_Are you tired of me yet?_

_I’m a little sick right now but I swear_

_When I’m ready I will fly us out of here_

Why can’t I love people the way I’m supposed to? Amber, then Andi, then Libby, then Walker. At first, I thought it was because they were doing something wrong, or I was doing something wrong. Yet... I was trying my hardest. And then, I went through puberty, and I was crushing on guys more and more, so I tried with Walker... but the same unnatural feeling.I might have told them that I loved them, but I know that I was lying. I, Jonah Beck, cannot produce or experience romantic love. (That felt good to get off my chest.) Now, don't get it twisted. I’m about as close to the stereotypical horny teenage boy as you can get, especially with twice the gender options—you heard it first here, Jonah Beck is a raging bisexual mess. But, I can't fall in love. And that's ok.

_I’ll cut my hair_

_To make you stare_

_I’ll hide my chest_

_And I’ll figure out a way to get us out of here_

_Turn off your porcelain face_

_I can’t really think right now_

_And this place has too many colours_

_Enough to drive us all insane_

I’m not going to shy away anymore. I dated Walker in secret, because I was scared of the world. Not anymore. I’m going to school tomorrow with a new haircut, a pair of Doc Martens, cuffed jeans, and an attitude. You see, people think I’m a conformist, that I’m a golden boy. That’s going to change tomorrow. And if they want proof, I’ll find TJ and bottom for him like I did this afternoon, right there in front of everyone. I’m shedding the old Jonah Beck, the kid who won’t put up a fight in history class when Reed starts spewing stuff about how the Democrats want to ruin America, how “the gays” are disordered, and I’m coming back this year as myself. Me. Jonah Beck, bisexual and aromantic, a queer liberationist, a revolutionary socialist (Cyrus lent me his Marx books, blame him!). I’m starting high school as me.

_Are you dead?_

_Sometimes I think I’m dead_

_And I can feel ghosts and ghouls wrapping my head_

_But I don’t want to fall asleep just yet_

_My eyes went dark_

_I don’t know where my pupils are_

_But I’ll figure out a way to get us out of here_

I won’t hide my mental illnesses anymore. I won’t be “the Jonah Beck,” I’ll be who I really am. If I have a panic attack, I won’t suppress it. If I’m feeling depressed or anxious or suicidal, I’ll do the one thing that helps—ask for help. I’ve never actually asked for it before.

_Get a load of this monster_

_He doesn't know how to communicate_

_His mind is in a different place_

_Will everybody please give him a little space?_

_Get a load of this train wreck_

_His hair’s a mess and he doesn’t know who he is yet_

_But little do we know the stars welcome with open arms_

I’m a train wreck right now—a total bisexual disaster. But I’m also only 14, so that’s normal. My hair is gonna be a mess. I don’t know how to communicate my feelings. But I want to learn. I really do.

_Time is slowly_

_Tracing his face_

_But strangely, he feels at home in this place_

I’m going to be the best Jonah I can be. With time, I’ll be home.

**Author's Note:**

> For context, Jonah, in this fic, is having an identity crisis.  
> He ends by identifying himself as a free queer person, bisexual, aromantic, and anti-oppression.
> 
> Comments and kudos make my day. :)


End file.
